Based on your choice of a life partner it can be bliss or hell, happy or hopeless. It should not be made only because your biological clock is ticking away or you are terrified of being alone in your old age. Nonetheless we all make decisions because of their convenience and certainly not their inconvenience. While physical attraction is an important part of the lifelong commitment, it should not be of paramount importance. Think of what happens when gravity takes its toll and your wrinkles start appearing. I have compiled a comprehensive list you can skim through but mull on it before you take that plunge in deep waters.
1.After what you take at face value… assess the qualities you want in a partner. They should include maturity in character, emotional stability and similar spiritual values. Observe and listen. Do you see respect for employers, parents, siblings or the desire to just have a good time at every fete. A person who is self-centered will soon lose interest if they are not the centre of attention.
- Why do you want to get married to this person? Do they reflect what you envision or are you day dreaming because they know how to say the right things at right times just to please you. Are you both certain about loyalty and exclusivity in the relationship? Is the future partner a beast when things don’t go their way? Do you intend to tame the beast or battle fiercely? Do you see each other being passionate in the future or becoming like Al Bundy- sour on every count?
- Do you think you have what your partner needs and wants? Do you communicate well on issues or does one have to give in all the time. Is either one of you unwilling to compromise? This is more important than having KFC or Royal Castle. Is the person a silent sufferer and moves like the sky fell on their head or do they bounce back and rise to the challenges.
4.Look for character and maturity. If you choose a much younger partner, remember the cost of dealing with that can be ridiculously high. You don’t want to be asked if your partner is your son. This can be devastating to your ego as you age. People change after they get married. You need to be observant. Do they turn their head when every potentially attractive person passes by. We hang on every word and impress to the max but after when you are secured in a relationship, you lose steam.
5.Think about how your life will change after you get married. Where will you both live? How will that affect your lifestyle, career, education, budget, family relations?
Are you desperate for a sparkling ring on your finger quickly and think everything will fall in place. They seldom do but we try to make every jigsaw piece fit
- Is your future partner secure in where they want to be in life? What will you have to sacrifice when demands are made. Do they want to go back and study? Do they expect a full time maid/chef? Will you have to make most of the sacrifices? How will you cope if distance is a problem?
- Is your potential partner “ketching tail” like you or expect that they will handle your salary and you pitch in for many expenses? If you came from a home where you did not have any expenses and now have your spending curtailed, you can expect challenges. Most couples encountering financial difficulties end up fighting and divorcing. Think and choose well. More is learnt from what is unsaid and observed. Operate like you live in a corner house.
- Think about the level of compatibility. Some may like hiking in the bush. I tried it but being scared of “unknown insects” and snakes, will not venture out, no matter how much I love you. It is okay to have different interests. You are an individual first and then a partner with differing interests.
- Is there any scope for each of you to develop or at you at your saturation point? The ability to deal with unexpected issues like unemployment, ill health etc and your ability to handle these issues can make or break the relationship and I am sorry to say the health system is poor unless you are paying privately.
- Will the religion/faith you practice be discarded in hard times? Some may opt to curse God and die but it takes character in an individual to understand that life is full of challenges. How you deal with them is what shapes or dilutes your character.
The aim is for you to choose well so you will live with the knowledge that somebody has your back. In society today with all the “ruction” we need a few faithful family and friends. One bad decision may yield devastating damages like a hurricane. Belief in God, the Supreme Being maybe the only assurance you need to evercome obstacles. Think on these and Part 2 will delve further into some crucial and relevant issues to ponder.